Secrets and Lies
by LoveIsAScar15
Summary: Something's up with Annie, Auggie wants to know what it is. Meanwhile, Joan begins keeping her own secrets, but Arthur doesn't find out before it's too late...
1. Chapter 1

Ok, this is the first chapter of my first story. (squeal) This show has been my addiction and it's what has inspired me to start writing. I've read all the stories about it and I absolutely love them all, and I must say wonderful job to everyone who's written them. Well, please, please, please let me know what you think. I want any kind of review, good or bad. Just give me some feedback, hit that little button at the bottom of the page that we all know and love. I'll give you virtual chocolate cake if you do!

Summary: Something's up with Annie, Auggie wants to know what it is. Meanwhile, Joan begins keeping her own secrets, but Arthur doesnt find out before it's too late. . .

Disclaimer: Blah, blah blah. . .don't own it. . .blah, blah blah. . .oh, the all the fun things I could do if I did. . .

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Secrets and Lies

Annie Walker was much like herself, but Joan would never admit it. She watched the new agent from where she stood by the monitors at the head of the new department's offices and studied her. As she studied Annie, Auggie, the tech op, walked up to Annie at her desk, leaning against it in a casual way. Listening carefully, she could hear what they were saying, "Yeah, but I've looked at that, there's nothing there," Annie was saying, running a hand through her already tussled hair.

"Ok then, Ms. Crabby Pants," Auggie said in his teasing way. "Hey, so what's really wrong?" His eyes focused above her head as he waited for an answer.

"Nothing."

"Liar."

"Whatever," she said, rolling her eyes, even though she knew it was pointless.

"You know, I will find out."

"Sure, we'll just go with that..."

"Ok, I'll just find out later," he said with a smirk before pushing himself off of her desk and walking away using his laser cane as a guide. Annie sat at her desk and began working again with a sigh. Joan wasn't sure what was wrong, but she knew she'd know if it was important. Still, she had half a mind to find out but she couldn't figure out S_why_ she even wanted to know. Why would she care?

Joan turned back to her work then and pushed those thoughts away, as if she didn't already have enough to deal with. There was already Arthur. Then there were all of the assignments she was dealing with too. With sleepy eyes she decided needed a fix. Joan got up and left the department to go get some coffee from the Starbucks inside on one of the lower levels.

~XOX~

True to her task, Joan returned about 15 minutes later with her coffee. It still took a surprisingly long time to get it, but it was worth it. She entered the new division's offices and walked up to the monitoring screens again. She was watching for anything suspicious in a hotel lobby where a meeting was supposed to take place between some foreign agents or something. Honestly, she didn't really care, she just wanted the day to be over with. Then again though, that meant having to deal with Arthur.

She was watching the screen when something caught her eye over where all the desks were. Auggie was back again and it looked like he was heading for Annie. Again, she was able to make out the conversation.

"Anything good yet?" Auggie asked, his mouth centimeters from her ear, making Annie jump just the slightest in her seat.

"No, it's like they know we know about them. They've hidden everything about their op. I have no idea what they're doing," she said, clearly frustrated.

"Well just keep trying."

"Yeah, because that's working so well."

"Ok, really Annie. What's up?"

"Absolutely nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. Zilch."

"Yeah, and I'm a magical unicorn. I'm not stupid Annie."

"Hey, I never said you were. Have you ever considered the fact that I just don't want to tell you?" Annie stated, staring at the computer screen.

"Well, I'm here if you want to talk then. I know you will...eventually." With that, Auggie walked away again, but this time, he was headed for Joan. She quickly realized this and turned away from them, looking like she was busy with her work. Really, her mind was racing though. What was going on? She didn't understand.

"Um, Joan?" Auggie said, unsure of himself.

"Huh? Oh, what Auggie?" she was suddenly taken out of her trance and mentally cursing herself for getting into it. What was her problem today?

"I just wanted to let you know that Annie and I can figure out absolutely nothing about the foreign op going on. We think they might know we're watching them. It's like they know exactly what we're up to."

"Ok...thanks Auggie. Maybe it's encrypted or something. You've got to look for all of the possibilities here. You and Annie should work together on this, not separate from each other, tell her it's an order."

"Got it Joan," and he walked away, using his laser to guide himself through the desks.

Joan was feeling very content with herself at the moment, she had found a solution that was sure to displease Annie, but that would solve what was going on. If only she had something to do now that wasn't as boring as bricks. She had another thought though. Maybe she could listen to Annie and Auggie again. She wasn't quite sure what it was about those two that got her, but she wanted to know what was up.

She had to be careful though, or else they were going to turn her into another bleeding heart. It was probably the fact that they reminded her so much of when Arthur and her were younger and in the same positions as they were. It was clear there was something there. It was just up to them now to figure it out. Joan sat back in her chair and a slight smile appeared on her face. It disappeared as soon as she was brought back to reality however.

Turning back to the monitors, but listening to Auggie and Annie, she began the long afternoon.

~XOX~

After his short exchange with Joan, Auggie slowly made his way towards Annie. Oh, this was going to be fun.

"Guess what?" he said, sneaking up behind her again and grabbing onto her shoulders, massaging them.

"What the-," she started before realizing it was him. "What do you want?" she asked him, in her best voice possible.

"Joan gave me orders, we've got to work together on this."

"Oh joy," she said, putting her head in her hands dramatically.

"Now, now, no need to get upset over it. You're just going to have to deal with it," he said, putting on his charming smile.

"And let me guess, this is going to be fun for you, isn't it?" she said sarcastically.

"Oh yeah," he said before reaching for a chair and slowly sitting down next to her. "So, where should we start?"

"Um, let's look at their communications I guess," she stated, clicking with her mouse on the screen.

"Great."

Annie started going through all of the records of any communication the foreign agents had and Auggie sat there waiting for her to start talking. It was one of the disadvantages of being blind, he wasn't able to go through the information like Annie was. Instead, he would need his headphones and his braille keyboard to help him out. This time, he would need Annie to tell him what they were doing.

"We have no way to tap into their communications. Cell phones can't be traced but we might be able to listen into their conversations when they call each other. Emails are useless, unless they're in code or something and it's not like they're on facebook or anything. The only other way they could really communicate is by actually meeting with each other. Everything else we have no way to connect to," she stated, before taking a deep breath and slowly letting it back out.

"Ok, either you're frustrated about this itself, which would be very unusual for you, or something is going on. Now, are you going to tell me?" Auggie told her, determined to get it out of her.

"Well, what do you think?" she said back in the most sarcastic voice she could muster.

"I think you're frustrated because of something else obviously. Why won't you just tell me? It's not like you haven't talked to me about things before. You always tell me. Why not this time? What's so different?" he finished, turning his head in her general direction with what he supposed was a questioning look on his face.

"Auggie, you know all of that. You know everything you said is true. Well, why can't you just trust me this one time that I don't want you to know and that it's best if you don't know. Have a little faith." With that, Auggie could hear her chair legs scrape against the floor as she hastily got up. He heard her kitten heels walk away quickly. He could tell now that he had really upset her. He honestly didn't mean to, it's just that if something was bothering her like this, it had to be something big and he hated seeing her like this.

He waited a few minutes to give her her space because he knew that's what she wanted right now. However, he knew where she would be so after a few minutes, he got up, found his laser, and led himself into the ladies' bathroom where he knew Annie was hiding.

~XOX~

Annie was up and walking away as fast as she could, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill over her lids. No, she couldn't be weak like this. Her training taught her how to handle things like this. She found herself at the door to the ladies' bathroom and went inside. Why couldn't he just understand? She wanted oh so badly to talk about what was on her mind but she couldn't. No, at least not to _him_.

What was she supposed to say? Was she just supposed to come right out and tell him that the reason that she was so frustrated and upset today was because she thought she might be falling in love with him? Hell, she didn't know what to do. She kicked open the door to one of the stalls and locked herself inside. Once she was sure he wasn't following her, she slid down to the floor and let herself just feel everything she was feeling and just let herself let it all out for a minute. If she didn't now, she would later, in front of him and she'd never hear the end of it.

Her thoughts were interrupted though when she heard footsteps entering the bathroom. She quickly stood up from where she was slouched in the stall so it wouldn't look weird. Instead, she leaned against the walls of the stall and waited to find out who it was.

She heard the click of heels and sighed in relief that it was just another woman. After a minute of calming herself down and making sure she was presentable, wiping away the tears, she unlocked the stall door and walked out of it only to come face to face with Joan.

"Annie? What's up with you?" Joan asked, only acting surprised. Truth be told, she watched her leave and thought she would innocently follow her because in the end, her fascination won over her pride. No one else had to see that though.

"What? Oh, nothing," Annie lied as smoothly as she could.

"Ok, you just look a bit flustered," Joan said softly back, giving her a small smile.

"Yeah, I was just-," and before she could finish, Annie was cut off as the door to the bathroom was opened and revealed a very curious Auggie.

"Auggie?"

"Wait. Joan?"

"Yes...would you mind explaining to me what you are doing in here?"

"Um...I guess I entered the wrong one. Sorry, my bad," Auggie smoothly lied and sidestepped out the door.

"Well that was odd," she said, turning to Annie who throughout the whole ordeal just stood there, blushing slightly and finding her kitten heels very interesting at the moment.

"Yeah, it sure was," she said looking up at Joan and then glancing at the door. "Well, I really should get back to work now Joan, excuse me." With that, she stepped around her before making a quick exit out the door.

"Oh, Annie..." Joan mumbled to herself, deciding that she should just give the whole thing up for right now. She should really be focusing on work, why did she even let it get this far? She'll figure it out later, that she's sure of, either one of them will slip up eventually and she'll catch them then. She scolded herself for getting like that and took a quick glance in the mirror to check her appearance. Something was off, she was sure, but she had no time to dwell on it. Then she silently made her way to the door to release herself back into her crazy world.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok, so I don't know if I really like this chapter that much. . .but anyways, I want to say a BIG THANKZ to the guys who reviewed, it meant a lot to me :) And thank you all of you that have read too :)) I'm sorry it's been a while since I first posted, but it's the best I can do with school and tennis :( sorry.

Kk, well, onto chapter 2 of the story! Please, please let me know what you think, I don't know if I should continue or not. . .

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Chapter 2

It was happy hour at the tavern. Joan sat on a stool at the bar taking her shots, but making sure she was holding her own. Her day had been a long one, especially the last few hours of it. After her little run-in with Annie and Auggie, the rest of the day had just gone south. Both of them spent the rest of the day avoiding each other and Joan left them alone. She was reaching her breaking point right now, but she'd never show it.

Arthur was somewhere, truth be told, she supposed he was with whoever it was he was screwing. She was beginning to have serious doubts about the marriage now and as much as she liked Annie and Auggie, it was hurting to watch them. Even though they weren't even talking right now, if she knew Auggie at all, he'd find out a way to talk to her tonight. Somehow, someway.

Joan ordered another shot. It was going to be a long night for her too.

~XOX~

Auggie made his way into the tavern and headed towards where he supposed the bar was, but stopped when he heard a familiar voice. Was it familiar? He knew he knew who it was, they just sounded so _different_ now than they normally did. But who was it?

Suddenly, it hit him. It was Joan. She sounded odd though. What was different? She didn't sound as confident or impassive as she always was. She sounded small and depressed. No, it couldn't possibly be Joan. She would never let her guard down like that. Yet, it was her. Auggie had no idea what would cause her to be like this, but he did know one thing. Right now, she didn't need to see him.

So, without even a word, Auggie left the tavern leaving Joan to be alone in her state, knowing she needed it more than she knew.

~XOX~

As Joan was drinking and Auggie was back at his apartment in his own little world, Annie Walker lie awake in her bed, sleep evading her. She couldn't keep her mind off of the events of the day. Why did she have to be so stupid? She let her emotions get to her and take control and so now, thanks to her, _he_ wasn't speaking to her. Maybe he was avoiding her, maybe not, but either way she still had an apology and an explanation to give knowing Auggie.

She just wished he could understand, but no, he couldn't.

Suddenly Annie was jolted out of her thoughts by her cell phone vibrating from where it was on the night stand. Lazily, she picked it up, not even bothering to check the caller ID. A decision that, in a few seconds, she would regret.

"Annie Walker," she answered, wondering who it could be.

"Annie," the voice said slowly. Realization hit her then. It was Auggie.

"What?" she asked back in a broken voice.

"I think we need to talk."

"Why?"

"You know why."

"Do I?"

"Yes Annie. You do, I do. Hell, everyone probably does."

"Well you've gotta start then," she finally decided, still having no idea where she was going to go with the whole conversation.

"Ok, let's start with why you've been getting so upset every time I ask you what's wrong with you. You've never been this upset before. I know it's gotta be something big that's bothering you. I just want to help and it's killing me here. So, why?" he finished, a little out of breath.

"Well, honestly, I want to talk to you about it but I can't. I would never forgive myself and you would never forgive me for it," she whispered. Really though, all she wanted to do was curl up into a ball and cry. Her eyes became moist but she refused to start crying now.

"And why do you think that?" What was that bad that she thought he would never forgive her for it?

"Because it would change everything." That was all she would say. All she really _could_ say.

"Is it really that bad Annie?" he asked back, his voice giving her a rainbow of emotions.

Annie debated her answer for a minute before answering, "Yes," in barely a whisper.

For a minute there was complete silence between them, both of them in deep thought. It was a comfortable silence though, both of them just wanted to understand each other. Finally, Auggie spoke up saying, "Annie?"

"Yeah," came her reply.

"Do you want me to come over?" he asked, clearly unsure of himself. Somehow, he knew it was the right thing to do though.

She hesitated for a minute at that point before replying, "Yeah," in defeat. "Wait, but you can't drive. How are you going to get here?" she asked, realizing this.

"Cab," he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I'll be there in a bit Annie."

"Ok," she slightly whispered, wondering what was going to happen.

"Bye Annie," he said in a voice that she didn't know what was behind it.

"Bye," and she heard the line disconnect before shutting her cell phone closed and putting it back on the night stand. Then Annie pushed back the covers and got up. She walked over to the window where she could see the street and started her watch for Auggie. He has been to her place before, well, actually it was her sister's place, but he had always come with Annie. So sure, he had been over before, nothing ever happened though.

Annie watched as cars passed by always seemingly in a hurry. This time would be different. This time, it was a best friend comforting a best friend. Not a dinner, not a party, not a dinner party, not an assignment. It was at both's free will. Annie wasn't sure how long she had been standing there before she saw a cab pull up to the curb and she saw someone get out. Positive it was Auggie, she made her way outside to the curb to help him. When she got closer however, she realized it wasn't Auggie.

She knew who it was. She just didn't want to think it, let alone say it out loud. Why did it have to be _him_, of all people. Why him? It was like the world hated her.

"Annie," he spoke aloud, startling her. His face a blank mask.

All she wanted to do was run away right now. Go and hide. She didn't want to face him. He should've been gone. Gone forever. Why was he here now? She was just starting to move on from it all. Why?

"Why are you here?" she questioned in a hard voice, the only way she was able to keep her emotions in check.

"Because we need to talk," he stated, taking a slow step forward towards her.

"No, I don't think we do," she whispered into the air before giving her head a small shake while taking a few slow steps back. Then she turned on her heel and ran back into the guest house.

~XOX~

Annie shut the door to the guest house and leaned against it. She made sure it was locked and then slowly made her way to her bedroom where she quietly sat down on her bed and let out a long sigh. Her gaze fell on the bracelet from Sri Lanka. From _him._ It was funny, she almost thought that for a second he had been wearing the other one. She knew he wasn't though. He couldn't have been.

Ben Mercer.

Just a name, right? Nothing that should make her feel the way she does now. Wrong. Its what that name means to her that gives her the pain. That brings back the memories. That _hurts._ A silent tear begins its journey down her face. A few more join it.

She doesn't know why she's crying. She just knows that it hurts. She begins to remember again, remember what she had only just forgotten. Wondering why she ran away, why she didn't stay and talk to him.

_Because he abandoned you. He left. _That voice in her head was saying. She knew it was true too, she had no idea how he had wound up at where she lived, she had no idea what he wanted. She just knew that she didn't want to know. She just wanted him to _leave her the hell alone._

At some point in time, Annie lay down in her bed on her side, her back facing the window, her back facing the door. That way she didn't have to see anything. There wasn't a chance she could see _him_.

Suddenly she heard the lightest of footsteps that came to rest in her doorway which made her jump and turn around to see who the intruder was.

Auggie. _Crap, s_he thought. Up until that point she had completely forgotten about him.

"Auggie," she said, her voice thick with tears, and he didn't miss that.

"Oh my gosh, Annie," he whispered, moving to where her voice was coming from. He found her bed which he assumed was where she was. Annie has shifted from her laying position to sitting back up again and he felt the edge of the bed to find where she was sitting. His hand found her knee and he gently rested it there.

"Please, please just talk to me," was all he said as he moved to sit beside her. He hesitated for a second before moving his hand from her knee to her face, feeling it wet with tears, and taking the opportunity to wipe some of them away with his thumb. Then he moved his hand to put his arm around her slim form and pull her close, his other arm moving around her front to envelope her into a tight hug. If it was up to him, he would never let go either.

"Can it wait until later?" she tentatively asked, in a whispered voice that just sounded exhausted, that sounded anything but Annie as she buried her face in the crook between his head and his shoulder. Funny, it seemed to fit just right there. And it felt right. It felt good. Comforting. She wound her arms around his neck.

"I'll hold you to that then," was his response as he tightened his arms around her, laying his head on top of hers, smelling her hair and the scent of her Jo Malone grapefruit perfume that still lingered on her.

They both stayed like that for a few minutes. Annie just needing Auggie there and Auggie happy to help Annie in any way. He knew she was seriously hurting right now. Then he heard her stifle a yawn through her tears that just didn't want to stop.

"We should get some sleep," Auggie whispered into her hair, wondering if he should leave or not. He didn't want to leave her like she was though.

"Stay," Annie mumbled into his shoulder, as if she was reading his mind. She just always seemed to know what to say in situations like this.

"Always," he said, nuzzling his face into her hair. He knew she needed him now more than ever. He then fell back onto the bed, bringing Annie with him and pulling the covers up over them both, releasing her from his embrace for just a second before wrapping his arms around her again.

Annie moved into the new embrace and he began to stroke her hair as they tried to fall asleep at the late hour. After a while her tears slowed, and it wasn't long after that that they were both able to fall asleep with each other's comforting presence, both never planning on telling the other that they just wished they could stay there forever.

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So, should I continue? Let me know!


	3. Chapter 3

Soooooooo sorry that it's been so long. Just so you know, I have decided to continue the story, but only as my inspiration comes. I do hope you stick with me though; all the reiview are great and I want to thank everyone who has read and reviewed, or just read. Life is still crazy and it's hard to find time to write, but i will try. PLEASE let me know what you think. Reviews inspire me ;)

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Chapter 3

Joan left the tavern when she was as close to drunk as she could get. She called for a cab to take her home and she slid into its backseat, shivering at the cool touch of the fibers, missing Arthur. She gave the driver her address before leaning her head against the foggy glass of the cab window. The rest of the ride was spent in silence with her left to her thoughts.

She wondered what was so wrong with her. Not that she had been out of character today, not that she wasn't the usual ice princess, but what was so wrong with her that had Arthur lying to her and possibly cheating. What was wrong with her that she just suddenly wasn't good enough for anyone anymore. What was so wrong with her that had her wondering if Arthur even cared anymore. What was it with her? Everyone was keeping her out of the loop. Everyone was lying to her, not just Arthur. She repeatedly looked at herself, questioned herself on what it was. . .

She just didn't know, and that's wasn't working out so well for her. A lone tear is shed and it makes its way slowly down her face until it falls onto her lap, darkening the fabric on her midnight blue V-neck dress. She wipes at her cheek with the back of her hand to clear away the wet track the tear had left. If the driver noticed, he didn't say anything.

The cab pulled up to her house and she handed the driver her money, telling him that he could keep the change. Joan opened her door and climbed out, steadying herself on the door frame before composing herself and making her way up the walk to the front door. She fumbled around in her purse for her key for a minute before finding it and with a flick of her wrist turning the lock, letting herself in.

It wasn't that she _expected_ Arthur to be inside the house, it was more of what she was _hoping_. She just wanted to find him sitting somewhere looking over files or filling out paperwork with a steaming cup of coffee in his hand and his glasses on. Then when she would walk by he would make some sexual remark that made her smile before he got up from his seat and strode over to her just to grab her hands and kiss her neck, making his way up to her lips. Oh, how she foolishly hoped. . .

Instead the house was empty, pitch black. No, it wasn't a fantasy of hers that he would be home to welcome her, it was the reality until a few months ago. It was the way it had always been until the snowball started rolling. The leak, the affair, the mistrust. It was all too much. Joan flipped on the lights and made her way to _the_ bedroom, not _their_ bedroom, but _the _bedroom. It hadn't been _their_ bedroom for a while now. They would just get home, finish up whatever work they had brought with them, which normally took them well into the nights to finish up, and wander off to bed. Only a few sentences were ever exchanged.

Joan, as tired as she was, still switched out of her dress and into her long nightgown that she slept in before turning off the lights that she had only just turned on and plopping down on the bed with a long sigh. She just stared out the window for a minute, watching the cars go by. It was mesmerizing. Finally she just gave up the silly hope that she would see his car pull up and so she twisted to her side, pulled down the covers and slipped into her side of the bed. She reached out a hand to turn off the lamp, her hand hovering on the little chain for just a second until it finally behaved and pulled it, resounding in a _click_ and the darkness settling, closing in on her.

It was only when the dark had completely fallen that Joan began to break. It started with a tear, then a few more. She closed her eyes, willing them to stop, but even then they began slipping through the cracks under her lids and falling down her face into the pillows below. She lay on her side then, facing the window, willing Arthur to come home. The tears kept flowing from her eyes, down her cheeks and across her lips so that she could feel their salty sting. Joan didn't know how long it had been since she had cried like this, how long she had been holding it all in for. Her body soon began to shake with the silent sobs that escaped her and she brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, holding on for her life, holding herself together. She was falling apart. This she knew. It was this night though, this night was the first that she began to wonder, _what would happen if I. . . ?_

~XOX~

It was the same time that Joan drifted into her uneasy sleep that Auggie and Annie peacefully drifted into their own.

Arthur came into the house not long after that then, but his wife's tears had slowed with her sleep and were invisible in the dark to him, even the ones that still silently rolled down her face, so he never knew, he never even thought to think of what had just occurred not an hour earlier. He just thought she was alright, something that soon, oh, very soon, he would wonder how he could have ever thought. Something he would very much regret.

~XOX~

Annie woke only to find that she was not alone. Strong arms were wrapped around her, a body pressed against her, legs intertwined with anothers and her head on something very non-pillowish. Memories flooded back to her. . .

"_We should get some sleep," Auggie whispered into her hair._

"_Stay," Annie mumbled into his shoulder, knowing that she needed him._

"_Always," he said, nuzzling his face into her hair. He then fell back onto the bed, bringing her with him and pulling the covers up over them both, releasing her from his embrace for just a second before wrapping his arms around her again._

_She moved into the new embrace and he began to stroke her hair as they tried to fall asleep at the late hour. After a while her tears slowed, and it wasn't long after that that they were both able to fall asleep with each other's comforting presence, her not willing to admit that she wished she could stay there forever._

So, she lay there with Auggie, wondering what to do. She _really_ didn't want to wake him up, not just because she didn't know how to respond when he woke up. They had spent the night together. More importantly, _he had stayed._ It was one thing to just leave when she fell asleep, but another to stay.

She flashed back again. This time remembering the tears, remembering her encounter with _him_. Last night, something inside her had broke. She had lost it. Then _he_ came and began to pick up the pieces, not put them all together, no, not yet, but just to pick them all up.

She felt Auggie begin to stir under her so she lifted her head, but only slightly, so she could see his face. Several emotions flickered across his face. First was awareness at being awake, the confusion as to where he was and who was on top of him, and then remembrance and understanding.

"Morning sleepy," she somehow managed out at last.

"Morning," he said, but in that voice that she could only describe as the one he used when he was surprised by something in a good way.

"It's about 6:00 right now," she informed him, before continuing, "what should we do?" in a manner that had a double meaning to go with it.

"Well, first of all, we're talking. Second, well, we'll cross that bridge when it comes," he answered, his unseeing eyes focusing on various things around the room. Neither of them moved from their positions in the bed and a silence began to settle between them, before Auggie spoke again. "Annie, you promised we would talk. Just tell me _something_."

She hesitated, earning an impatient groan from Auggie, until she said, "Before you came over, I wasn't like that. It was. . .something that happened when I was waiting for you that made me break." She paused here to take a breath and slowly continued. "I was watching for you when I saw a cab pull up. I thought it was you so I went outside to meet you. . ."

"And?" he provoked.

"It wasn't you. It was someone else."

"Annie. Who was it?" he questioned, trying to sound not as curious as he really was.

"You know the first time we were at the tavern and you asked why I joined the CIA?" He nodded, remembering. "I told you about how I fell in love in Sri Lanka, and how it was a tearful goodbye. How he left me in the middle of the night with a cryptic note and a $50 bar tab, right?" Again, a nod. "Well, tonight, when I'm expecting to see you walking towards me, I see _him_. I see the guy who left me in Sri Lanka, who hasn't contacted me in any way for over a year. I see him. Him. Of all the people in the world. Him. And he wants to _talk to me_."

"I'm sorry Annie."

"No, don't be sorry for me, it's something that was gonna happen eventually. I don't want pity, Auggie," she told him, wrapping her arms around herself, trying not to cry again.

"Ok then, no pity," he repeated, "but I can still comfort you, I can still try to understand."

"I really don't deserve you, ya know that?" she whispered, a hint of a smile tugging on her lips.

"Oh, believe me, I know that...but I'll also collet later," he said before trying to wink at Annie, the whole while failing miserably.

"Auggie, Auggie, Auggie...what should I do with you?" she questioned, more for her own benefit than his.

"Wellllllll... while that little playful banter was enjoyable, I'd really like to know what's really going on because, do you realize, that what you've told me still has nothing to do with what was wrong earlier?"

_Shit_, _I completely forgot about that, _she thought, too distracted by him...and not in a completely bad way either "Ummm...no?" she tried.

"Annie Walker, you are the most difficult person I know. I WILL FIND OUT!" he whispered into her ear with a force that he only used when he was trying to seduce information out of someone...

"I know," she said with a smile and a light pink face. Then, she turned her face so that it was only centimeters away from his. "Thank you," she told him, closing the gap between them for only a second to brush her lips against his.

"You're welcome," he replied, a small smile on his face."However, I'm guessing that, because it was 6:00 when we woke up that it is at least 6:30 by now and that since we have to be at work by 8:00, and leave by 7:30, that we should get a move on if we don't want to be late."

"Oh, fine Mister Workaholic," she retaliated, before sticking her tongue out at him, even though it was pointless.

"Anytime, Miss, anytime..." he began when he started to tickle her.

"Ohmygawd, STOP IT AUGGIE!" she screamed loudly, in a fit of laughter, while grabbing a pillow and beginning to hit him over the head with it. "PILLOW FIGHT!"

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Love me enough to review? pretty please? :P


	4. Chapter 4

I'M BAAACK! Well, at least for now. As I said before, I'm only writing as the inspiration comes...I only wish the season would start up again. This chapter is more focused on Joan, but I think that it needed to be that way. Thank you for all the lovely reviews, they really brighten my day. And, if you are still reading this, still reading my story, I applaud you for making it this far. I'm not sure how far I'm going to let this story go yet, I just like figuring things out as I go. I do hope you review though, give me feedback on how I'm doing. Thanks, again! =)

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Chapter 4

Waking up with a headache was one of the worst things to happen. To Joan, it was even worse because she knew why. _Because you spent most of last night having your own little breakdown, _was what her mind kept telling her. She just couldn't believe that she had let herself become weak like that, let herself become that way. She was strong, she knew that, but she just didn't know how strong she was making herself to be.

She slowly opened her eyes, looked up at the ceiling, and tried to avoid the one thing that she couldn't stand every morning. She winced as she rolled over; daring herself to look, dreading the sight scared to see if he was there. Nope. Nothing. No other body in the bed. Not another soul in the house. She reached over to feel underneath the covers, seeing if it was even the slightest bit warm—it wasn't.

Disappointed, she turned so that she was on her back again, pressing a hand up against her forehead, letting her eyes drift closed for a moment. Millions of thoughts ran through her head, all coming back to that one simple fact. _He had never come home, he isn't here._ Thoughts racing, she forced herself to get out of bed, letting the cool air meet her skin, giving her that wakeup call she needed. She made her way to the bathroom, thinking about the day to come. _What should happen today?_ she wondered.

~XOX~

Almost forty-five minutes later, Joan stepped out of the bathroom, mirror all fogged up and steam releasing itself out the space the door had made. She wondered down the stairs, lightly humming to herself, eager to make breakfast, getting a chance for something to eat. After all, the last thing she had consumed was that alcohol. A lot of it. She hadn't even had dinner, and even then, barely a lunch earlier the same day.

She moved from cupboard to cupboard, pulling out the necessary items for her breakfast, deciding to make some spiced potatoes. She had found several small potatoes to work with so she got out the cutting board and the knife to cut them into the tiny cubes she loved.

_Chop. Chop. Chop. _Move them aside. _Chop. Chop. Chop._ She continued to slice. As she was on the last one, she pushed the knife down not realizing her finger was in the way.

"SHIT!" she proclaimed to the empty house, blood pouring from the wound. No, she hadn't cut her finger off, not to the bone either, but it hurt. Still standing there, staring in shock, she realized that she had yet to do anything about it. The thing was, she wasn't sure what to do. Suddenly, she thought about bringing the blade to her arm, seeing what would happen then….

_No, no, no. You CANNOT do that!_ her mind raced, wondering how even such a thought had crossed her mind. Well, last night, she had thought many things, but this was one alley that she had not thought to venture down.

Suddenly, she remembered that she was still standing, looking down at her left forefinger, red still dripping from it onto the cutting board, onto the potatoes. She moved over to the sink, bare feet padding across the floor and turned on the faucet, letting the cool water wash away the blood, the poison. When she was done there, she found the little medical kit that was always kept in the kitchen for situations as such and put some of the antiseptic on it, making it sting, then taking a little bandage and dressing up her wound.

Joan found herself putting away the knife, the cutting board, and scooping up whatever was left of the potatoes onto a plate to put in a pan, disposing of the ones tinted with blood.

Turning on the heat, letting butter sizzle in the pan which created that specific aroma in the air, Joan put the cubes in the pan, heard them start popping and added her mix of spices. Then, she returned to her earlier thoughts…

~XOX~

"AUGGIE! I was serious; WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE!" Annie began, attempting to put a temporary halt on their activities for the time being as she really didn't need an upset boss this morning, or any morning, once she thought about it.

"Ok, ok…I'm at the disadvantage here anyways," was his reply, sitting up, hair tussled and clothes wrinkled, but his face was filled with joy, their pillow fight had begun, then evolved into a tickling-and-wrestling sort of thing…it all ended up in great laughter and tons of fun, however.

"Great. Well, it looks like you're going to have to do the walk of shame this morning, Mister. I'm gonna go get changed real quick," she said with a pointless wink, slipping out of the room, leaving Auggie to himself.

She returned only a few minutes later, fresh and ready. "What do you want to do for breakfast?" she asked, wondering what would happen if Danielle or the kids saw him.

"I don't care, we could just do a drive through. It'd be faster, easier. Ya know?" he responded, crooked smile and all.

"K, sounds like a plan then! Let's go, we've barely got any time at all." With that, Annie helped Auggie up and out of the guest house towards her car. Getting in, Annie driving, they sped off towards work, silence between them that neither was willing to break.

~XOX~

Approximately twenty-five minutes and a drive through breakfast later, Annie and Auggie made their way through the doors of the CIA, Auggie doing his infamous "walk of shame." Annie walked him to tech ops, her arm in his, but before leaving, pulling him into a hug, a barely audible "Thank you," whispered into his ear.

Leaving through the door which she had come, her back turned to him, she missed to faint smile that had come up upon his face as she left.

She arrived at her desk, a small smile on her face as well. Putting her coat on the back of her chair, she spun it around and plopped down into it, sinking in. It was going to be an interesting day that was for sure. However, the whole time, she gave no notice to the abnormally absent boss of hers, or the worried look on Arthur Campbell's face when he strode into the DPD, heading straight for Joan's office, finding it empty.

~XOX~

When the potatoes were done to her liking, Joan lifted the pan, letting them slide out onto her plate, again adding spices, parmesan, and melted nacho cheese onto them. She moved over to the counter, sliding onto a stool and just thinking. She ate in silence, knowing she was late already, but not caring for once.

When she was done, she carried her plate over to the sink, let water wash it over, then deposited it into the dishwasher to be cleaned later by its powers. Closing its door, she leaned up against it, mind never straying from one thing, something she wanted oh so badly. Slowly, she moved over to the rack where the knives were kept, eyeing them over, pondering in her head which one she should pick up. Which one would be her adversary?

She chose one of the smaller ones, but one that still had a sharp blade. She wouldn't hold it to her wrist, no, it would be too easy to see. Instead, she lifted up the cotton tank top she was wearing, pushed down the elastic bands of her pants and underwear, and held the cool metal to her skin. With just the slightest of pressure, she pushed down, dragging down along her hip. Little drops of red appeared along the line. Perfect, smooth, still. She lifted up the blade to end the cut, mesmerized as the blood trickled down her side, warm drops moving like tears down her body.

Before the crimson could stain her clothes, however, she moved to get a tissue, wiping it from her skin as she prepared for another mark to be made. _Again, again,_ the voices kept telling her. _Deeper, harder,_ they just wouldn't stop. She made two other marks like the first, same motions, same thoughts. She watched what she did, the first one bringing the sting to her skin, the others barely registering to her.

She knew what she had just done, but she just couldn't help it. As the blood began to clot itself and stop the flow, she brought the elastic bands back up, pulled her top back down and drifted over to the sink, washing the stains from the metal, sure to soap it all up, putting it on the little rack that was to the right of the sink to dry.

Slowly, but surely, she made her way out of the kitchen, leaving her newfound friend behind. Up the stairs, into the bedroom, she found herself looking into her closet, wondering what to wear. Finally, she decided on a black dress that clinched below her bust, flowing the rest of the way down from little platelets it created at the clinch. She slipped out of the comfort clothes she wore, careful not to stretch too far, to bend so that the red would come again, no matter how much she wanted it to.

Applying the little makeup she wore, Joan looked over herself in the mirror. Deciding that she looked alright, she grabbed the keys from where they were discarded on the dresser the night before and looked around the room once before jogging down the stairs and outside where her car waited for her. She unlocked the doors, got in and sat for just a minute, composing herself, her thoughts. She wasn't so sure what she should do about everything, but she did know that it was something to be kept; she now had her own dirty little secret.

These thoughts in mind, she put the keys in ignition, her car out of park and began the drive to the CIA building, the thoughts consuming her mind while on the drive.

~XOX~

It was approaching 8:45 when Annie saw her boss walk through the door to the new DPD. Funny, she didn't even realize that she had been missing until now. The young agent did notice that something seemed off about her today though, making a mental note to check it out later. Annie went back to searching on her computer the various case files, the one that Auggie and her had been working on was closed by another agent or something. She wasn't really paying attention when Jai had told her, too preoccupied thinking about a certain someone and a certain pillow fight that had happened not too long ago.

However, bored, she decided to go see if there was anything Joan needed her to do. She got up, pushed her chair away from her and made her way towards her office. Once there, she stood in front of the door, knocking twice.

"Come in," came the voice from behind the door, Annie stepped inside.

"Oh, hello Annie," she was greeted by the older woman. "What do you need?"

"Well, I was just wondering if there was anything you needed me to do today, I don't really have much right now," she pondered over, thinking about the recent missions that had taken place.

"Ummmm…I don't think so, sorry. Terrorists and all have been quite quiet lately, it's weird," was the response from her boss with a frown. "Just finish up your paperwork today and then you're free to go home."

"Thank you," she said, nodding. Hesitantly, she looked at her boss, daring herself to ask, "Joan, is everything alright?"

"Yes, everything is fine, thank you for your concern though. You are free to go, Annie," Joan said, a sad smile upon her face, almost as she had herself a dirty little secret.

"Goodbye then," the agent smiled, turned on her kitten heels, and floated out of the room. What she didn't see however was when she closed the door behind her, a single tear rolling down her boss' cheek before it was wiped away quickly. After all, the walls to her office were glass.

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Review? It'l help me :D Still, I love all you guys...

Anyone get the symbolism in the last sentence though? Extra points for you if you do, let me know, plz?


	5. Chapter 5

Sooo... yeah. It has been a long time! Sort of forgot about this... stuff came up... life came up... sorry :( I will _try_ to update more often (as it is summer) but as usual, can make no promises! Reviews encourage me, however, as always :) I would love to thank anybody who reviewed that last chapter (when was that again?) and hope that some questions about Joan's last actions will be cleared up soon. If you have not read the past chapters, I advise that you do so.

MAN! Just to put this out there: OMG. The season so far has been great :D Joan on jury duty was priceless... I just CANNOT accept how easily Annie takes Ben back CONSTANTLY, however... am I the only one?

To continue with this story, the following did/didn't happen and all, because I know a lot has been happening... : Yes, there is a bit about the whole leak thing, Joan knows basically. Doesn't mean she trusts Arthur still! Annie did see Ben and worked with him like in the finale, but there was none of the lovey dovey stuff that went on. Ick. Yet, he still got shot and disappeared, yada yada yada… Other than that sorta main stuff, not much else is extremely relevant. I tried to sorta continue with some things that have happened in the show, but cannot directly follow all of it.

**Disclaimer:** Ohhh... haven't had one of these in a while! Do I have to say everything that would be happening if I DID own the show...?

Anyway... enjoy and review please! :)

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**Chapter 5**

It had only been a few days, but to Joan, they each felt like an eternity. Now she had a secret to keep, and it was _killing_ her. However, it was something she had become accustomed to. Arthur had barely been around, and there was now the whole deal with all the information leaks and whatnot. Every single time, she was able to see just how much she had been kept out of the loop, and from there, just how many half-truths she was getting. Sure, maybe some reasons as to _why _Arthur never came home were exposed to her. Maybe, she could see how she _could_ have been wrong about the cheating, yet she could find no reason to give him—or anyone—the benefit of the doubt.

She still wouldn't trust him. That was that.

So as she was driving home that night after another long day, memories suddenly hit her in waves. Flashbacks, one could call them. Some were from memories mere days old, yet others were from years past; the later were ones she wished not to relive. Her past… it was foggy at its best, especially when it came to the period of time after her mom had died, leaving her alone with her father. They were roads which Arthur had not even dared to travel down, and they were also ones which Joan did her best to keep under lock and key. One specific recollection would not leave her mind; however, it assaulted her as it played over and over, as if on a loop…

_Sixteen-year-old Joan quickly walked through the door in her home. She made haste in flying towards the stairs, taking them two at a time in attempt to evade the inevitable. Reaching the top, she bolted to her bedroom door, quickly shutting it behind her and locking it. It was only then when she had time to process the scene, taking in her own reflection in the full-length mirror. She had on a tight black dress with spaghetti straps, a white ribbon tied into a bow just above the waist, but set off to the right side of her body. From under the bow, the dress flowed in a few ruffles that ended mid-thigh and on her feet; she wore simple black heels that were maybe two inches high. This was what she had oh-so-carefully chosen to wear to her own mother's funeral, a day that would never be forgotten in her mind._

_Then, she dared to glance at her face. Her hair was curled into a ponytail while a few loose curls framed her face, along with the few bangs she had acquired only a few months prior. Her eyes… oh, it was her eyes in which there was always that sparkle, this being the first time that when she looked, it was not there. It would be a landmark event—one she would later look back on—realizing that it was just the beginning. Mascara ran down in little rivers down her sculpted cheeks, blending with her eyeliner and mixing with the salt of her tears._

_Suddenly, she heard banging on her door. He had come. How _dare_ he, he had no right! "Joan! Open up this door immediately! I have a knife… I'm not afraid to have to use it!"_

"_So use it!" she cried, "I'd like to see you try!" After hearing those words, he did just that exactly. Seconds later, Joan's bedroom door was being slammed against the wall in her father's drunken rage. Man, he really _was_ angry tonight. "So what did I do this time?" Joan teased, all too used to such occurrences, but never one to back down from a fight._

"_It's YOUR fault that my wife—your mother—died, and you know it!" he screamed back, obviously having had too much to drink at the funeral. Joan opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out. It just wasn't going to be worth saying anything at this point, it was worthless. She started to turn her back on him to walk into her bathroom, but was completely unprepared for what transpired next. _

"_Don't you DARE walk away from me Miss, I'm NOT done here!" he shouted. Then suddenly, acting on impulse, he charged across the room to his daughter and reached out, grabbing her with a knife in hand. A small blood-piercing scream left her mouth, opened in surprise. Blood began flow from Joan's left arm readily, seeping from under her father's hand and falling down her arm, dripping onto her bedroom carpet._

"_Get. Away." came the half-scream through her gritted teeth. It was at that point which Joan was trying to refrain from reacting from what he had just done. "I said GET AWAY!"_

"_You always were an ungrateful little bitch!" he bellowed, face just inches away from hers as his pupils dilated, and his eyes turned black with no regrets. Seemingly disgusted, he shook her shoulders one last time before turning on his heels and storming out of the room._

_After he had left, Joan calmly walked over to her door, closing and locking it before falling in a heap on the floor, tears spilling over her lids unconsciously. Once the initial feeling of shock was over, she became more aware of the gash on the side of her arm that was several inches long and that still kept on bleeding, the drops falling onto her dress, the white ribbon stained a violent red. Also—as she would come to notice later—there were bruises that were beginning to form on her arms in the shapes of handprints. Later in the night, after a long shower—and a_ lot_ of makeup on her arms—Joan would climb out through her window to her old, rusty pickup truck and drive herself to the ER where she claimed to "Just be clumsy—silly me! I fell in our garage again because I forgot to turn on the lights" and that night particularly, receiving eight stitches._

_Unbeknown to her, this was just one of the countless times over the years in which she would find herself making these nightly visits. And, after having so many of them, she would go to the drugstore to buy herself a first-aid kit because from watching the nurses attend to her time after time, she had by then learned just what to do, aiding herself for the years that would follow._

Joan couldn't shake the feelings that specific memory brought back—her mind raw—burning with intensity. That had been the first night she had felt the cruelty under the hands of her father. Yet, there were then times which she wished other nights would only be as bad as the first.

Pulling herself out of her thoughts, Joan realized that she had pulled into her driveway. Not only that, but she also realized that the house was dark, and that there was no one else home.

~XOX~

Annie Walker was resting comfortably on her bed, a glass of red wine in hand. The night was young—only eight o'clock—and a cool front had moved over town. It was a night that all of the young couples could be found out on dates.

But, Ben Mercer, him, _of all people_, had to have reappeared out of the blue. Then, she—of all people—had to work with him, like, the next day. He had to get himself shot. Then, he had to disappear again. Gosh, wasn't this just great? She wasn't sure if she could take it anymore. Next time she saw him, oh, she was going to—

_Ding-dong._

Wait—who uses her doorbell? Annie unwillingly unfolded her legs, set her wine down on her bedside table cluttered with pictures and novelties, and went to answer the door. Peeking through the peephole she saw the one person she didn't expect. Also, this person being the one she didn't want to see. Opening the door, she began "Auggie—"

"Let me get _something _out, please." Annie nodded, knowing that it was pointless to try and allow otherwise without a fight. "Ok, I can't hear a nod Annie," Auggie said, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, whatever," she said, exasperated.

"You have been avoiding me. I'm completely aware of the fact. I also know why," came Auggie's claim, eyes trying to focus on where her face must be.

"And so, Mr. Smarty Pants, _why in the world_ would _I _avoid _you_?" she probed, throwing her hands up in the air dramatically.

"Because I can get closer to the truth. Closer than you want me" came his voice, soft with the slight breeze that had just picked up. He took a step closer to Annie. "You won't answer any of my questions; you haven't kept your promise to tell me what was going on that one day either. What is it? Why is it that I cannot know?"

"OK, so maybe you're right on that one—I can't let you in. I can't do this, Auggie. I—"

"You are afraid. You—Annie Walker—are afraid!" he laughed incredulously, lips turning upwards into a smirk. _Damn, he was frustrating._

"Oh, did you just say that? I am not afraid!" Annie half-screamed, her voice rising through octaves, giving her clearly away. Without warning, she gave Auggie a light shove, but was not expecting him to grab her wrist at that exact moment, pulling her in towards him so that their lips were nearly touching. Annie could hear her own heartbeat. She was pretty sure that Auggie could hear it too.

"What are you doing?" she asked tentatively, lips curling into a smile.

"You know, I can just _feel_ you smiling," he stated, his expression becoming somewhat amused. Yet, he always managed to stay off-topic in these sorts of moments. _Convenient. _

"You, Mister, are avoiding the question. Oooh! Maybe _you _are the one afraid now!" she teased, a lighter tone coming to her voice as their atypical playful banter began.

"Annie Walker. You will soon find that I am not afraid. I am never afraid," Auggie shot back, his voice taking on a rather husky tone, eyes searching for what they cannot see.

"Oh, come on… there has to be _something_ you're afraid of!" she exclaimed, still very aware of their close proximity, and also how neither of them bothered to move away.

After a few moments of silence in which she thought he would never respond—in which she could hear not only her heart, but his too—he finally did. "Yeah there is one thing I am afraid of. Terrified of."

"And what would that be?" she questioned, intent on knowing such an answer.

"Hey! You see, that's just not fair! You not telling me anything, then me just having to tell you everything…" he began, a suggestive smile flickering across his face. Oh, if she only knew just what he was thinking…

"You are impossible," she fired back.

"So are you!" he reiterated, before moving in even closer on Annie—if that was even possible—and looking her right in the eyes. Even if he couldn't see, Annie got the feeling that, somehow, he knew exactly what he was doing. "You are impossible…" he muttered against her lips, silence suddenly falling between the two. Both heartbeats could be heard then, oddly in sync as he rested her forehead against hers. "I just want to know what goes on in that head of yours."

~XOX~

Joan found herself reliving every single memory that she had tried so hard to forget. Every injury was suppressed, every beating ignored. So, then reflecting back on days ago, she had taken a knife to her skin. Funny, isn't it? Things come full circle. Was she just doing the same thing to herself that her father had done to her years ago? No, _it could never be the same _she decided.

She didn't remember the walk inside her house; didn't remember changing into her pajamas—careless of the time—didn't remember making a cup of hot cocoa and slipping into her bed. She didn't remember a single part of it. She was numb. The one thing she _did_ remember, however, was waking up in the middle of the night, the digital clock by her bedside reading 1:52 AM. Yet, when glancing over to the opposing side of the bed, _he was there_. While comforting, it wouldn't stop any of her actions that were yet to come.

She moved silently and quickly from under the comforter, praying that the springs would not make a sound. Once free from the sheets, she made her way down the stairs. Yet, she was barely at the bottom when it all hit her. The memories. The dreams. The _nightmares._ She couldn't control herself any longer.

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So... is it as bad as I think? ...I have no idea where half of that came from... I just started writing and this happened! I would love to know what you think, as always, so leave a review! (Maybe I will update sooner!)

~LIAS15


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